Okay, some of you might remember my post on how great an idea it is to keep a food journal.

Well it’s a great idea if you’re not one who obsesses over numbers. Tracking numbers is fine, but obsessing is not.

I talked a little bit in my last video update for Fitness Life Reality about this, but essentially my doctor feels that I’m trying to take on too much in terms of life changes right now.

• Regaining my “I’m such an awesome chick, any guy would be lucky to have me,” self-esteem after allowing someone to destroy it - something I’ve never done, and never thought I’d be the kind of person to do. Which sometimes makes me feel even more like crap. Vicious cycle, seriously. But working hard at getting through it, and doing pretty well, if I must say so.
• Staying strong on the non-smoking front, despite the stress of the breakup (which IS getting easier to handle, by the way), family stuff, work stuff… just, stuff.
• Sticking to a steady exercise regime.
• Did I mention work stuff? I got behind for a while there, plus have more projects on the table (which I’m not complaining about) that need tackling.
• Tracking food intake (calories, fat grams, fiber, protein… augh!) every single day, every single morsel.
• Scheduling my days so that I can fit in time for me, the house, my job, my family, my friends, and yes, dating.

I know, it’s really not like I have a 60-hour a week job, husband, 3 or 4 kids, and sick parents or anything… I’m well aware of the fact that there are people out there that have a much more stressful life than I do (for which I’m very grateful), and that’s actually part of what helps me through certain things. But for me, the past 10 months or so has been such a complete whirlwind for me. Very different than I’ve ever been used to before in life, and it took a toll on me.

Here’s the good news though…

• As I said, I’m getting back to being the real me, and not allowing anyone else to pull my emotions around on puppet strings. I’m not “all better, honey” as my cousin’s 4-year old daughter would say, but I’m getting there.
• I’m no longer tracking food intake because the focus on the numbers was making me nuts. I’m practicing mindful eating instead.
• My friend and I are doing 3 days a week at the gym together, and I’m hitting my treadmill at home every day (or the ‘mill at the gym when we go).
• I only gained 4 lbs. in the second month of being on Chantix. According to the doc and others I’ve talked to who went on it, gains from 12-20 pounds are VERY common during that 2nd month. I did good!
• Work things are beginning to find a balance. There are projects on the table, but by finishing up the ones that have been on hold, I can better schedule the new ones.

So while things sometimes make me crazy, I’m fighting through it. I refuse to toss my hands in the air and give up. I refuse to let anything (or anyone) defeat me. This is part of the real me, and regardless of my size, my hair color, my finger or toe polish… I’m going to be me. I’m finding the time to sort through, analyze, and come up with real solutions, regardless of how it happens or how long it takes. :)