… on self love.
This is something I’ve been trying to say for a long time. I remember a while back I had one of those “internet altercations” with a woman who weighed around 350 lbs. and cursed me out for talking about hating being single and wanting to lose weight and hinting that the two had something to do with each other, but only because she was convinced that I was depressed and that I needed to love myself as I am.
My argument was simply that I do love who I am. I happen to know that I’m a kickass girlfriend, and I’ll be a kickass wife and mother too. I wouldn’t trade a second of any of my life experiences for a thinner body or anything like that, and I’m really an all around great human being. Sure I can be a bitch, who can’t? And I’m sure that I possess traits that grate on peoples’ nerves just like anyone else does. But bottom line is that inside, I DO love who I am. That doesn’t mean I should go around saying things like, “I’m fat, and don’t care if I get fatter, and my health is fine, and my love life is fine, and blah blah blah…” when I DO care. I don’t want to continue to be overweight, and yes, it’s for vanity reasons just as much as it is for health reasons (and anyone who says otherwise about themselves is a damn liar). My love life is non-existent. I mean, literally… nothing for over 5 years. Is it because of my weight? Probably. Is it because of other things? Probably.
I’m a busy girl, and when I’m not home working I’m out with friends and people who already love me. Almost all of my friends are “taken” - some even on 2nd marriages already. Others are engaged to be married soon. It pretty much varies based on age, but for the most part I’ve got maybe 2 or 3 single friends. What I’m getting at here is that the people around me are all friends of mine - long time friends with whom there’s a growing lack of having something in common (single-hood). If you think that doesn’t bother me, you’re crazed.
The easier-said-than-done thing to say would be, “Get more friends!” But when I work from home, and know pretty much everyone in the area, and have already seen the same faces for years on the internet dating sites, what the hell’s a girl to do?
Bottom line here is that my weight truly does get in the way of my finding a real, long term relationship. I know, I know - there are men out there who prefer larger women. There are also men out there who prefer Asian women, or women with blonde hair. Get my drift? Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I DO love who I am. I just don’t love my body right now.
Finding that point of loving yourself where you do so to the point of wanting to take CARE of your body by feeding it healthy foods, exercising, and essentially living by the “my body is my temple” philosophy (which is also harder to do than one might think) is when, and only when, you can really be successful at getting rid of the extra weight and truly loving who AND what you are.
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Categories: Weight Loss
“I don’t want to continue to be overweight, and yes, it’s for vanity reasons just as much as it is for health reasons (and anyone who says otherwise about themselves is a damn liar).” Thank you for saying this. I’m getting really tired of all the “health” BS out there. I appreciate your honesty.
Thanks Rachel - I agree wholeheartedly.
Thank you for your honesty. It is for vanity also, and I also believe being overweight or obese does decrease your chances of finding someone. It sucks, but it’s true.
I’ve had the same thoughts recently - it’s what sparked off my own weight loss program at the end of March. Love your honesty and it hit everything spot on.
Unfortunately I don’t think it’s possible to achieve what’s in the quote at the beginning of your post. One can’t possibly love themselves (in the long run) despite not liking how they look. Believe me I’ve tried.
I’m okay with myself but absolutely do not like how people perceive me. Especially the opposite sex who would not choose me (ever) in comparison to these 40 - 50 kg girls. It’s a major comparison game and that’s the only reason why I’ve only had one (yes one) boyfriend (horrid loser who’d put me down at that) at 24. We of course met through the ‘net, were 10000 miles apart etc. I cringe thinking about it.
I’ve never been asked out or hit on - sleazy come-ons and gropers excluded. I haven’t been with anyone new since mid-2003 when that one relationship went bust. Sure there are other factors but in this country where I possibly weigh around-more the average man, then it’s a major factor IMO.
I eat healthily, I work out more than these effortlessly skinny things (6x per week versus 1x per month). I respect my body (never smoked/drink, wild copious sex with various partners in a week) .. but yet I’m one of those people who seems to not be the prerequisite 40 - 50 kg. I’m 5′5″ and 73 kg (162 lbs). This is btw monstrous here. I’ve been told I’m pretty/gorgeous based on my pictures or by everyone not in my age group (mother’s friends exclaim all the time) but yet I’m single.
So .. the only reason I’m losing weight? It’s to get a guy. A sad fact but absolutely true.
Longest comment ever? Longest self-involved comment ever? Oops :)
ayaka - i don’t know where you’re hailing from but here in the USA, a girl like me would kill to be your size.
i’d like you to take a second look at that quote though… place the emphasis elsewhere: “it’s absolutely possible to love WHO YOU ARE without loving WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE”
what that means is that it’s possible to feel like you’re a great human being, to be proud of your accomplishments and love your own nature, morals, and everything about yourself EXCEPT what you look like. and more so, that it’s okay to feel that way.
i can’t tell you how many times people have told me “if you love yourself, your weight shouldn’t matter” or “if you are confident in who you are, your weight shouldn’t matter” and what i’m saying there is that i DO love myself, and i AM confident in WHO i am - but my weight still does matter. :)
Ah .. maybe I did get it wrong :)
Although personally do feel like I cannot be happy (with all those other things) unless I am that perfect 110 lbs. I’m not happy with my body = not loving my body, my insides etc.
Every other achievement or good I’ve done in life .. it takes a backseat to my weight because that’s how other people around me .. judge me. By the numbers on my scale, by how I look (or stand out in comparison to everyone else) so I can’t .. love myself.