Finding Yourself (Again) Through Goal-Setting

(This is an update to an old post I’d written after my breakup at the beginning of summer 2008. When I took all my old posts down to revamp the site, I vowed to revisit everything and use it to create fresh, new content. This post in particular hit me pretty hard, because it was originally written in July 2008, and while I’ve stuck to some things, others need to be revisited, and what better time than when you’re working on resolutions to look over some old goals? So here it is, in all it’s updated glory.)

It’s so hard to remember that you’re a whole person when you’ve come out of a relationship. It’s amazing how much of ourselves we often compromise or set aside because we want to make room for another person and their hopes and desires and wants. No, it’s not always a bad thing to be that way, but when the relationship fails, and we’re on our own again, there’s a lot of… space… that needs refilling.

What’s a single gal/guy to do?

So many times you hear that a person should find something to focus on after a breakup that will help them get over it. Some people dive into their work, feeling like it’s going to make them feel better as a more accomplished and successful person. Others focus on their creativity, making things that take concentration like painting or sculpting or photography. Still others will take “extreme” measures to change their physical appearance, be it a drastic hair cut or coloring, or getting a tattoo, or deciding to finally rid themselves of the extra weight (or the weight they were carrying around in contentment).

I’ve found myself wanting to do so many things, to take my mind off the hurt and loneliness, and to fill the “time void” that’s there now that I’m not spending all my free time with someone. So I made a list of goals, all various things, that I want to accomplish for myself. (Yes, finding a good man to “love me back” is one of them.) But the coolest part about making all these goals is that it has actually reminded me that I really AM a great person, with a lot of things to offer the world, and it’s up to me to make sure I don’t lose those things about myself.

At the top of my list?

Losing the rest of this weight (like, that which I gained back after the breakup) and getting myself into the good habits of a healthy individual. I was at a point where I’d saved a ton of money from quitting smoking, and I set myself up with a gym membership. I need to put it to use.

I’m also going to work on time-management with work stuff. I have lots of projects going on that are “mine” and then there’s client stuff. I need to get the client stuff out of the way, and then really gear myself more toward my personal projects. I feel a lot more “fulfilled” when I’ve done something that’s mine, sometimes even more than when I’ve done something for a client.

Cooking more kind of goes along with the first thing on my list, but it also indirectly goes along with the second thing. By cooking more, and creating or trying more healthy recipes, I can share them here with you and that will fulfill a goal I have of continuing to help people. Killing two birds with one stone… my idea of success!

Deep, deep down inside, I’m a clean freak. I know I am. She’s in there, eating cookies with the skinny girl inside me. I’ve tried becoming a FLYbaby, but it’s all too much, so I’m going to work out my own routines.

Back when I first wrote this post, I’d decided to do something fun with friends and family once a month. I’d gone to Six Flags New England with my best friend and my godkids and I had a blast. It was so nice to not be thinking about the ex, and I’d really wanted that feeling more often. I haven’t quite been able to do that, but my mom and I are getting together once a week to work on craft stuff to sell on Etsy, and that’s been lots of fun. I do miss hanging out with my friends as much as I had pre-relationship, but my social life has always been the kind that comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I’m out all the time, other times it’s more like dinner once or twice a week with the occassional house party thrown in for luck. I’m quite okay with that, in fact. I just am craving getting out of the house now I think because of that cooped-up cabin fever thing that happens to me every winter.

In terms of dating, I’m having a hard time with that. It’s by no means a matter of wanting my ex back (I pretty much hate his guts) but rather I’m not quite at the point where I want to spend every free moment thinking about someone else. I’ve had guys who were interested, but get bent out of shape if I don’t text message them back right away, or talk to them every day, and when that happens it’s like an automatic shut off valve. I stop giving a shit. I lose complete interest, no matter how massive or miniscule it was in the first place. It’s probably a shame, because I’m probably turning away some really nice guys. I just don’t want to ever feel anything that I felt with my ex, you know? I think I’m just not ready yet. I have more work to do on myself.

How does it feel?

It feels REALLY good to have goals like this, I can’t stress it enough. It takes my mind off things that are painful, and directs it to things that are fulfilling and rewarding and wonderful. I’m feeling pretty good right now, and I’m excited to be able to say that for the first time in quite some time. I feel even better knowing that I’m still working on things, and that I’m really trying to collect myself up and put back together the pieces. I need to get myself straight before I get back out on the dating circuit, but in the meantime I’m really happy that I’m not hurting anymore either. I left that all behind, and he’s on to hurting someone else now. I’m sittin’ pretty with my wonderful friends and family to love me back. :)

Related articles by Zemanta

• 5 Time Management Lies
• Are you a crafty person?
• Celebrate Take Back Your Time Day
• How to Trade on Etsy
• 5 Time management tricks I learned from years of hating Tim Ferriss