Here’s probably my last post before Christmas, so I thought I’d get it in there a few days early.
Most of all, I want to wish everyone a wonderful holiday, and to say,

“Here’s to a coming year of health, happiness, personal growth, and prosperity!”

2007 is going to be a phenomenal year for me, I can feel it already! I only wish for all of my friends (online and off) to feel this much excitement for another year! (Note: This April I’ll be turning 30. While much of my time is spent lamenting that fact, I’m working on trying to welcome that number into my life. This is where the “personal growth” part comes in for me!)

That said, I bring you “Holiday Eating Advice” by Anonymous

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine
single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch.
You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to
turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is
the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have an amazing holiday season! Merry Christmas!