Before I get into that, I’d like to share with you some pics of zoo animals enjoying their birthday cakes, courtesy of HuffPo:

Gee, one who doesn’t know me might wonder why I focused on zoo animals there for a second… LOL Anyway, back to the meat (haha, “meat”) of this post…

There are many things that plague my brain on certain occasions. Birthdays, holidays, friends and family giving birth, people passing away, nothing really ever happens without my brain taking me on a whirlwind voyage through my own life.

Many times I find these thoughts sad, though there are many times I think about all the things in my life that I’ve done, places I’ve been, and people I’ve had the pleasure to know and it makes me smile. I’ve decided that today, for just one day, I’m going to work really hard at focusing upon those things alone, and try to forget about the fact that I’m getting older and have so many dreams unfulfilled yet.

32 Years, 16 Favorite Memories

Pardon me, but this list is lengthy. I was shooting for 32, but I have birthday events to take part in… :)

1. I once did a bellyflop on a 14 foot alligator who’d escaped her enclosure. The point was to try to stabilize her so the zoo foreman could jump on and bind her jaw, so she wouldn’t snap when we moved her back in. I honestly think she wouldn’t have anyway, as she didn’t really flinch or anything when the 15 of us picked her up and carried her around to the gate. But it was thrilling to me, for about 15 seconds anyway.
2. I’ve been in two movies, neither of which have been released. However because of this, I do have a profile on imdb.com. During one filming, I hung out with Mykelti Williamson (who played “Bubba” in Forrest Gump) and during the other I had conversation over lunch with Anthony Michael Hall and Chris Penn.
3. My first ever music concert was Janet Jackson (Rhythm Nation Tour) but my most memorable was Billy Joel (River of Dreams Tour) where he held my hand during the entire first half of  “She’s Always A Woman”. Later in life, I was told by a very dear friend that he always thought of me when he heard that song, despite my never telling him the story about the concert previously.
4. I was in Civil Air Patrol (CAP) from the time I was 12 until I was 17. My friend Lucas joined because of me, and we took a flying lesson together. It was a Cessna. Was probably one of the coolest feelings ever.
5. I spent 6 weeks in Italy when I was 15 years old, as part of a summer foreign exchange program. For four weeks, I was living with the greatest host family known to man, who took me on a tour of the whole country. The last two weeks was less fun for me, as it was at an “acting camp”, but I totally made the most of it. I was in a mansion in Perugia with 10 partying teenagers who would steal wine from the cellar and drink into the wee hours. An indicator of my “old soul”: They partied while I slept (or tried to), so I could have the morning to myself with tea, toast and marmelade, the sunrise and the wild horses.
6. My first (and only, thus far) trip to Vegas was last October (2008). I went for a blogger conference, and spent the majority of my time there with either my client (who went with me and shared a room) or with my friend/client Darren Rowse and the b5media crew. It was 4 days and wasn’t nearly long enough. The bonus? I came home only $40 in the hole.
7. My first trip on an airplane was when I was 10 years old. My father owned a travel agency, and this was the first of many vacations I got to have as a kid that took me on a plane. We went to California, and the first place I wanted to go (unlike most kids that age) was the San Diego Zoo.
8. I’ve worked closely with over 100 species of exotic animals when I was a zookeeper, many of which are endangered species. Animals that most people don’t even know exist. I know the scientific names for most of these animals, and can tell you precisely what they eat, how they live in the wild, and other information that most would consider entirely useless to my current occupation. Sometimes knowing this stuff is what keeps me alive inside.
9. Jack Hanna (a very famous zoologist – he’s been on the Tonight Show, Good Morning America, and Maury on hundreds of occasions, and had his own show at one point) once called my house after I somehow got in touch with his secretary. I called and they put me right through to her, and she didn’t understand how (I guess they weren’t supposed to do that), but was so impressed that she made sure Mr. Hanna got my phone message. He called on a Sunday morning at 8am, and helped answer questions I had about my Senior Essay for 12th grade English class. He is the reason I was ever a zookeeper, as he told me which school to go to, and how to go about doing it. I told him that if he ever needed an assistant on his voyages to Africa, to give me a ring.
10. It’s a silly memory, and you may have had to be there, but when I was in 4th grade I had a huge crush on a boy named Jason (in fact, I crushed on him well beyond 4th grade). We both got in trouble during lunch for talking because he was making me laugh (which is a trait I’ve forever desired in a man) and we got sent up “to face the curtain” which was on the stage in the cafeteria. I think they used that as a way to embarass us into good behavior, but it didn’t ever really work. He continued to make me laugh, and our teacher made us hold hands walking back to class from lunch, because we’d gotten in trouble. I remember both of us pretending not to enjoy it, however upon turning the corners on our way back to class, he’d then pull me closer and give me a kiss on the cheek. Every. Corner. Was so damned cute.  I wonder about him a lot.
11. I’ve had a lot of really great first kisses. Every girl has these chick-flick ideas of a great first kiss, and I’ve had some that really were chick-flick quality. Sure, there have been some really awful ones (that in fact, never got better even with 2nd or 3rd or 10th kisses if I ever let them get that far) but I can’t help but blush and smile and get the warm fuzzies when I think of a few key first kisses that literally made my knees buckle.
12. One Spring Break during zoo school, I spent 3 days at the National Zoo in D.C. with a gorilla named Mopi. All my friends were in Mexico or something, and I was hanging out with Mopi. We interacted between an enormously thick piece of glass, but I journaled the entire thing like I would if I were Dian Fossey in the Virunga Mountains. At the end of the trip, one of the primate keepers who had noticed my extended presence took me behind the scenes to an orangutan (I think his name was Willy) and I hand-fed him celery. He would take it and then blow raspberries at me.
13. I fondly remember what I called “Daddy-Daughter Days”. It was usually on a Saturday, because back then Mom was a retail store manager and she often worked those mornings. He’d make me scrambled eggs (with ketchup, which the thought of makes me gag now) and I’d sit in my cardboard-box-playhouse eating them during Saturday morning cartoons. Later in the day, we would go fishing or something cool like that. We’d either head across the street to the creek, or over to a “special fishing spot” we had. One of his favorite pictures of me is when I caught my first fish.
14. A few years ago, my friend Tina and I (with our moms) went to a magazine model search competition. We interviewed at the same time, side by side, with different judges. They chose 7 (there was a mother-daughter team they felt they just had to include, but it was only supposed to be 5 winners) out of hundreds that showed up. I remember sitting in the room while they announced winners, and they got to choosing the last person and we all figured we hadn’t gotten it. The two judges I interviewed with were fighting over who got to announce the next winner, because they were both so excited. I listened as they said, “She’s a volunteer firefighter, a certified zookeeper…” and my eyes widened, my mom and I both teared up, and I finally heard my name. I remember only thinking, “Don’t trip… don’t trip…” on my way up. The next day we had a huge fashion photo shoot, however the issue never made it to print because the magazine sold out to another company that discontinued the model search.
15. I once almost spent the night with Josh Duhamel. (Fergie’s husband now, he played “Danny” on the crime drama “Las Vegas”.) We met at a Make-A-Wish Foundation benefit, and Tina was dating his best friend and then “All My Children” co-star, Cameron Mathison. ‘Nuff said. *blush*
16. When I was in elementary school, I was part of what was then called the “Gifted and Talented Program” (Which has since been demolished because apparently it’s not “PC” to acknowledge smart kids) and we had a kind of science fair. My mission was to build a bridge out of toothpicks, that could withstand 100lbs. of weight. Other kids had a mission to wrap an egg in something and drop it from various heights without the egg breaking, etc. Despite my task having nothing to do with eggs, my mother made me wear a costume, that looked like a fried egg. I was the only kid who showed up in any kind of costume. I think I was a little too young to be truly embarrassed by it, but looking back, it was probably a highlight on a list of embarrassing events in my life. I would’ve won the toothpick bridge contest had I had the guts to put all the weight on it, but I chickened out. Believe it or not, yes, looking back on this memory does in fact make me smile.

I know if I had more time, I could come up with 32, but I figured that half as many would suffice. :) Besides, I’d expect many to be bored reading all that as it is… LOL

Here’s to another year of life, and dammit, this one’s gonna top ‘em all!

Retired racing greyhound rescue has been a major fixture in my life for about 10 years now, and I seriously don’t know where I’d be right now without them. My dad and I are the US account holders for an international rescue group based in the UK. I used to attend adoption clinics and show off my beautiful “children” and talk about how they make amazing pets, they’re great with kids, and how we affectionately call them “45 mile-per-hour couch potatoes”.

There have been times in my life where I’ve felt really low – we’ve all had moments like that. I’ve had several “major life changes” and honestly, the only time I’ve ever felt truly at peace, even for a moment, was when I was with animals of some kind. (For those of you unaware, I also used to be a zookeeper – which sort of took the place of my not being able to have greyhounds at that time.)

Some might say I have a stronger affinity for animals than most people in general. A connection, so to speak. That’s fine and dandy, but I don’t care who you are – looking at an animal like a retired racer, knowing the horrors it may have come from, and see it look you directly in the eye after it spent years too scared to do that with any other human being… damn, that feels good.

Greyhounds don’t look like they weigh all that much, but I’ve got an 85-pound boy lying next to me that begs to differ with you. Next to him is his 75-pound “sister”. Try sleeping in a full size bed with these two and tell me that you’re lonely… I dare you.

Sure – they don’t speak English, but their faces speak volumes. They don’t have opposable thumbs, but they love to put their heads down and nuzzle right into you. They’re not the greatest guard dogs in the world, but they love to snuggle which makes you feel pretty safe and warm.

Adopted animals almost seem to know more about our emotional states than even we do. Have you ever noticed, if you’re around a dog when you’re sad, that it seems to show concern for you? It may come up and sniff or lick your face, or shove it’s head under your hand somehow knowing that by petting it you’ll feel better? It might even just come and curl up on your lap, or next to you, and rest it’s head on you.

The best though, is when the animal doesn’t even have to know you’re in need of a silent confidante. It just goes about it’s day, only to act naturally to make you laugh…

[images: Lara Kulpa]

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Image via CrunchBase

“Change” has been a huge buzzword lately, what with the election of US President Barack Obama, the new year with resolutions abound… I think 2009 is going to be called “The Year of Change”. That said, I’d like to talk about a website that features self help programs to encourage this change within yourself, Tools to Life.

Tools to Life is a 100% free online program that claims to provide you with all you need to help make changes in your life. To “create YOUR best life” according to the site. I do like the fact that it’s completely free – as you know, I’m a huge fan of free!

Sign-up was easy and took seconds. Create a username and password, give your birth date, and you’re in. There’s lots to see and do, but don’t get overwhelmed. You might want to begin by filling out a complete profile. Add your schools, jobs, a photo, set up your notifications, and write a little about yourself.

Once you’ve filled out your profile, check out the inspirational motivation podcasts, or join one of the several life coaching support groups there are. There are lots of challenges you can join too, everything from adding cardio workouts to your daily routine, to keeping a clean house, to avoiding alcohol or fast foods. I love how diverse the membership is on this site! You’ll find people from 16 to well into their “golden years” all working together to support and encourage each other to reach their goals, one step at a time.

Fair warning: The goals and challenges are extremely diverse. You’re going to find people who have addictions to more than just drugs or alcohol. I ran across a couple challenges that were sexual (avoiding pornography, for example). Please try not to judge those with issues if they’re different than your own. We all have things we’d like to walk away from and the way I see it, if you’re working on becoming what you perceive to be “a better person”, then good for you! For some it’s a more “PC” addiction like fast food or even smoking, and for others it’s often more “harsh” than that. If it’s not an interest of yours, just skim on past to find something more closely related to your own needs.

There are some great programs on here too. Being that I’m trying once again to lose weight, I joined the Body Makeover program. I’m really excited to join this program, and maintain my “contract” by logging in daily and keeping track of my progress.

All in all, I have to say that I’m really very pleased with the Tools to Life site. It seems a lot more in depth and better organized than some other free sites I’ve seen out there, and I truly encourage you to take a peek and sign up!

[Sponsored Post]

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(This is an update to an old post I’d written after my breakup at the beginning of summer 2008. When I took all my old posts down to revamp the site, I vowed to revisit everything and use it to create fresh, new content. This post in particular hit me pretty hard, because it was originally written in July 2008, and while I’ve stuck to some things, others need to be revisited, and what better time than when you’re working on resolutions to look over some old goals? So here it is, in all it’s updated glory.)

It’s so hard to remember that you’re a whole person when you’ve come out of a relationship. It’s amazing how much of ourselves we often compromise or set aside because we want to make room for another person and their hopes and desires and wants. No, it’s not always a bad thing to be that way, but when the relationship fails, and we’re on our own again, there’s a lot of… space… that needs refilling.

What’s a single gal/guy to do?

So many times you hear that a person should find something to focus on after a breakup that will help them get over it. Some people dive into their work, feeling like it’s going to make them feel better as a more accomplished and successful person. Others focus on their creativity, making things that take concentration like painting or sculpting or photography. Still others will take “extreme” measures to change their physical appearance, be it a drastic hair cut or coloring, or getting a tattoo, or deciding to finally rid themselves of the extra weight (or the weight they were carrying around in contentment).

I’ve found myself wanting to do so many things, to take my mind off the hurt and loneliness, and to fill the “time void” that’s there now that I’m not spending all my free time with someone. So I made a list of goals, all various things, that I want to accomplish for myself. (Yes, finding a good man to “love me back” is one of them.) But the coolest part about making all these goals is that it has actually reminded me that I really AM a great person, with a lot of things to offer the world, and it’s up to me to make sure I don’t lose those things about myself.

At the top of my list?

Losing the rest of this weight (like, that which I gained back after the breakup) and getting myself into the good habits of a healthy individual. I was at a point where I’d saved a ton of money from quitting smoking, and I set myself up with a gym membership. I need to put it to use.

I’m also going to work on time-management with work stuff. I have lots of projects going on that are “mine” and then there’s client stuff. I need to get the client stuff out of the way, and then really gear myself more toward my personal projects. I feel a lot more “fulfilled” when I’ve done something that’s mine, sometimes even more than when I’ve done something for a client.

Cooking more kind of goes along with the first thing on my list, but it also indirectly goes along with the second thing. By cooking more, and creating or trying more healthy recipes, I can share them here with you and that will fulfill a goal I have of continuing to help people. Killing two birds with one stone… my idea of success!

Deep, deep down inside, I’m a clean freak. I know I am. She’s in there, eating cookies with the skinny girl inside me. I’ve tried becoming a FLYbaby, but it’s all too much, so I’m going to work out my own routines.

Back when I first wrote this post, I’d decided to do something fun with friends and family once a month. I’d gone to Six Flags New England with my best friend and my godkids and I had a blast. It was so nice to not be thinking about the ex, and I’d really wanted that feeling more often. I haven’t quite been able to do that, but my mom and I are getting together once a week to work on craft stuff to sell on Etsy, and that’s been lots of fun. I do miss hanging out with my friends as much as I had pre-relationship, but my social life has always been the kind that comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I’m out all the time, other times it’s more like dinner once or twice a week with the occassional house party thrown in for luck. I’m quite okay with that, in fact. I just am craving getting out of the house now I think because of that cooped-up cabin fever thing that happens to me every winter.

In terms of dating, I’m having a hard time with that. It’s by no means a matter of wanting my ex back (I pretty much hate his guts) but rather I’m not quite at the point where I want to spend every free moment thinking about someone else. I’ve had guys who were interested, but get bent out of shape if I don’t text message them back right away, or talk to them every day, and when that happens it’s like an automatic shut off valve. I stop giving a shit. I lose complete interest, no matter how massive or miniscule it was in the first place. It’s probably a shame, because I’m probably turning away some really nice guys. I just don’t want to ever feel anything that I felt with my ex, you know? I think I’m just not ready yet. I have more work to do on myself.

How does it feel?

It feels REALLY good to have goals like this, I can’t stress it enough. It takes my mind off things that are painful, and directs it to things that are fulfilling and rewarding and wonderful. I’m feeling pretty good right now, and I’m excited to be able to say that for the first time in quite some time. I feel even better knowing that I’m still working on things, and that I’m really trying to collect myself up and put back together the pieces. I need to get myself straight before I get back out on the dating circuit, but in the meantime I’m really happy that I’m not hurting anymore either. I left that all behind, and he’s on to hurting someone else now. I’m sittin’ pretty with my wonderful friends and family to love me back. :)

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I’ve got so much riding on these, so many plans I want to make happen for my future. These are things I absolutely will do, no matter what. Please, come along and help me be accountable!

10. I will grow this blog, literally back from square one, to being a fantastic resource and a great source of income for me. This site used to be in the top three for so many really fantastic keywords, and it actually used to bring me in some decent money. It also helped to keep myself accountable, because I had a decent readership that I refused to let down.

I’ve basically unpublished everything ever written here, over the past 10 years it’s been in existence, and am forging ahead from nothing. It feels so good to really start the year with a truly clean slate. No more looking back on failures… only ahead towards success!

9. I will take better care of my skin. I’ve been so horrible with this, and I swear to all that’s holy that I noticed my first wrinkles on my 30th birthday. You’d think that would’ve done something to my psyche to make me take action, and all it really did was make me reconsider the tanning salons. I haven’t been to one in about 6 months, and I can honestly say that in the past year and a half I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been all together. I’m done with them. Here’s what I’m going to do from now on:

9a. Wash the makeup off my face every night, no matter how tired I am.
9b. Find and religiously use an effective skin care regime. I’m worth it, dammit.
9c. Moisturize my entire body, not just my face and feet.

8. I will eat more vegetables. I love fruit, and I don’t even eat that enough, but I really am going to try to incorporate more veggies into my meals. I love green beans, sugar snap peas, baby spinach, carrots… I need more. Last time I got on a kick my body was craving them. I loved that feeling. Time to feel it again.

7. I will get on the treadmill in the other room every morning. This isn’t going to happen overnight, and I have my dear friend Darcie (a personal trainer) working on a fitness program for me as I write this. But I think that no matter what I’m doing with that, I can afford to spend at least 15-20 mins on the treadmill every morning to get the blood pumping in addition to what she plans for me. May increase this to twice a day if it feels right to do it, so that I can also break off in the middle of my day to get off the computer and again get the blood pumping. For the year’s goal though, it’s going to be at least every morning for a minimum of 15 minutes. Will also track this elsewhere on the site.

6. I will buy myself one really expensive, beautiful piece of jewelry. I deserve it. I work hard, I love hard, and I’m honestly tired of waiting around for some man to do it for me. Who says women can’t buy themselves diamonds!? I call horseshit on whoever feels that way. Maybe I’ll mark it as a reward for getting under 200 lbs. or something, but I’m going to save up and buy myself something really special this year.

5. I will go on a dream vacation. I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise, or get back to Aruba. I’m going to do that in 2009 (or at least have the money saved up to do it when time permits). My emotional health depends on a relaxing vacation, and I’m going to work hard enough to deserve it.

4. I will save at least $5000 to put towards one of my many dream goals. It might be buying a house (yes, I know I’ll need more than $5k, but it’s a start) or it might be put towards having a baby (long story, you’ll get details in the future if you stick around long enough). Whatever it is, I want to know that I’ll have at least $5000 in the bank, waiting for me to make something amazing happen.

3. I will completely declutter my home, and keep it looking and feeling fabulous at all times. This calls for more routine, and I don’t mind routine at all. I crave structure, actually. This house has 29 years of stuff in it and “done to it”, and it needs a good cleansing. I might not have the money to do full on renovations or remodeling, but I will make sure I do what I can to make it a peaceful, clean, happy place to live. Once again, it’s crucial to emotional well-being, don’t you think?

2. I will be more organized and more structured. As I said for number 3, it’s something I’m craving. I love making lists, I love getting through things, and I think that’s why it’s going to be a lot of fun doing regular checkups on this list and making sure that I’m keeping on track with everything. I’m tired of finding myself being late with bill payments or unable to find some important piece of paper. I’m tired of not having a plan for success. And now, I will.

1. I will FINALLY get myself on track to being able to say that I am a healthy person. I want to be a gym addict. I want to be a healthy food addict. I want to despise fast food and junk. I want to be able to make all these resolutions and promises to myself come true. This year, I will get healthier inside and out, and finally prove that I take care of myself in all aspects of life. My health, my emotional well-being, my finances, all of it. 2009 is the YEAR OF ME!

What are your plans for 2009? I’ve got a lot on my plate, and it’s going to be the ONLY plate I clean completely! ;) Share your plans in the comments…

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